I remember seeing Artemis Fowl on the shelves of the library when I was at school. Artemis Fowl was always the first to go when people would be asked to pick books because it was cool and different. It wasn’t like most of the other books, there were mystery and drama whilst also being a book for kids and adults. Artemis Fowl is now a Disney film, means that it has a big budget and can be made adapted without a worry. Unfortunately, Artemis Fowl the film is now on the wrong side of Disney cinema history.
Artemis Fowl is directed by the great Kenneth Branagh, a director that a lot of actors would love to work with. We see that with Colin Farrell who plays Artemis Fowl Snr and his Irish-ness in this Irish tale fits perfectly, he’s just a great actor. However, Colin Farrell has the smallest role out of the main cast.
The film follows Artemis Fowl Jnr (Ferdia Shaw) who must save his father, who has been kidnapped by a mysterious enemy. The kidnapper has requested Artemis finds the Aculos, an item of powerful magic used by the fairies that the Fowl’s stole. Artemis Jnr and his Butler have to come up with a plan to find the Aculos and save his father before it is too late all while the hidden fairy civilisation attempts to get the Aculos back.
As far as overall plots go its pretty bonkers. There is a lot of setups that need to be done in the film to create this new world. Remember how the first Harry Potter film starts with a baby mysteriously being left by wizards on a doorstep and then the next act of the film is the slow introduction of magic into Harry’s ordinary life? Well, imagine if that had about one-tenth of the setup time and you just had to accept that there was a secret wizarding world. It just wouldn’t work well enough.
This is seen greatly in Artemis Fowl as you’re thrown around like you’re at the Center of a mythical bumper cars attraction. There are so much unexplained and new things for the viewer to experience. The film instead of making sure you know what is going on tends to just be more like a gangster asking you if you understand.
I’m one to normally suspend by disbelief and just let a film take over a lot of logic I have for how a world actually works but Artemis Fowl just takes advantage of that too much. The only aspect of this world that it has used to its advantage is that there is a big enough budget for the film to create the usual great Disney CGI and visual effects. Still, even at times, there are interesting choices but that’s more of a weird cinematography choice.
One moment, and this is nitpicking, where Artemis is using a OneWheel, one of those automatic skateboards but it’s just a big wheel in the middle. Anyway, he does this big radical jump on it like its an early 2000’s Disney channel original movie but it also looks like he is sort of flying with it but it’s also not new technology…it’s just super weird product placement to get kids to buy a OneWheel. OneWheels cost about $1,499 by the way.
Nitpicking aside, because you could do that all over the film, the adaption just doesn’t do the book justice. I know they wanted to change it from the books and things being literally adapted can sometimes be worse than better but the film suffers from the great pace and character that the book has. The film basically takes place in predominantly one location, which makes the film feel repetitive and slow. The characters don’t feel like they’re on a big search but instead almost feels like it’s telling kids that you can have an adventure in your own home when the film is shot in beautiful Ireland.
Dialogue is the film’s next big error. In a film like Harry Potter Dialogue is important because if it remains memorable and different than it stays in your head for ages after you’ve left the cinema. The way the characters speak in the world, the words they use and how they speak to each other is one of the most important aspects of world-building. Artemis Fowl just doesn’t have that. The film’s dialogue is filled with generic drivel that feels forced or as if every actor is just playing outside with their friends.
Scenes like the time freeze, the fairies have the ability to freeze time in certain areas so they can go unnoticed, are cool and create an important part of the story. Unfortunately, in recent times I’ve seen it done better and with characters and events that I care about and that I would pay money to see again.
There is one positive, apart from the fact that Colin Farrell is in the film. Josh Gad does an excellent job at playing Mulch Diggums, an oversized dwarf. His character acts as the narrator but also has the best lines and Gad’s acting is kind of crazy and perfect like he fits in the role really well.
The rest of the cast really try their best with what they’re given I’m sure but I do feel that the kids in the film could’ve been just a little older. Artemis Fowl Jnr comes off as more of an arrogant brat than a smart and intelligent kid who is just projecting his sadness about his situation at others.
The Artemis Fowl books have the potential to be a big young adult film series. Done right you could’ve seen Ireland’s version of Harry Potter in terms of a grand young adult film franchise. This adaptation of the film, however, doesn’t come anywhere close to the standard expecting from both the fans of the books and anyone paying for Disney+. With Disney+ limited amount of new content, Artemis Fowl isn’t exactly a fantastic addition to the service. The great tale of Artemis Fowl, the book that was always flying off the shelves when I was at school, isn’t worth is short and confusing 95-minute runtime.